Daddy Issues

A bit belated, but I wanted to share some thoughts on Father’s Day and dads in general…

Father’s Day always feels a little challenging for me. Mostly because, of the 39 years I’ve been on this planet, I’ve had a pretty rocky relationship with my dad for at least 25 of them.

Every year around this time — when the whole “dads are just the best and we love them so so so much and let’s celebrate the heck out of them” season rolls around — I just get this itchy, uncomfortable, conflicted feeling that I can’t shake. And I don’t think I’m the only one who feels this way.

I’ve hesitated in sharing this inner tug-of-war, but I’ve decided to live by Anne Lamott’s words:

“You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better.”

Here’s the truth — yes, my dad probably did the best job that he could do with being a dad to me. But doing the best that he could doesn’t mean that it was enough. Or okay. Or how a father should show up for his daughters. Which makes picking out a Father’s Day card really challenging.

Everything either feels too “my dad is basically a combination of Gandhi and the dad from Home Improvement” or too generic and formal (“Salutations, Father! I celebrate your existence on this hallowed day!”) so I almost always end up going with something funny, usually relating to (1) beer, (2) tools, (3) farts, (4) Nascar.

But one year, I found the perfect card — a scenic lake view with a dock and fishing boat in the foreground, framed by thick stands of towering pine trees.

The message inside: “Your spirit of adventure is something that will always inspire me. Thanks, Dad.” Simple, heartfelt, and — most importantly — true.

One of the best things I learned from my dad was how to know, love, and respect nature. What kind of mushrooms were edible, where to find the best wild blueberries (look in the shadier spots), the names of countless birds and flowers, how to catch a snake without getting bit, how to be truly grateful when eating animals, which types of trees were the best for climbing, that I could swim deep and far without being afraid, that I was stronger than I thought and could walk for miles and miles, where to look to find pictures in the night sky, the best way to build a fire, how to see beauty in the spotted belly of a rainbow trout, and that — while nature is definitely no joke — it isn’t inherently dangerous or threatening.

Because of my dad, I can be all alone in the darkest forest and feel completely at peace.