Minding your own Business

I saw something on social media recently and I can't stop thinking about it.

"Minding your own business can save your relationships."

I mean, yes, sure, if the thing is something like thinking your friend shouldn't have dyed their hair construction cone orange... Or wondering if your brother taking out tens of thousands of dollars in student loans to pay for a masters in Philosophy is really a wise choice… Or believing that you parents' religious beliefs are basically pointless self-delusion.

In those kind of situations, yes, mind ya biz, friend.

But there's an awfully fine line between "minding your own business" and staying quiet because it’s the less uncomfortable choice.

It’s tempting to want to “keep the peace.” It’s easy to get stuck in a habit of perpetual conflict avoidance. Navigating the unpleasant emotions that come along with saying something can prevent you from pushing back against misogyny, xenophobia, or misinformation.

But if it's something like your mom yelling that all lives matter… Or a close friend promoting anti-science views on climate change or epidemiology… Or your pastor arguing that LGBTQ+ individuals don’t deserve the same rights and freedoms that everyone else has.

Stop minding your own business.

Because minding your own business in those situations perpetuates harm.

And it also keeps YOU stuck.

You get to avoid the fear, friction, discomfort, and maybe less-than-calm reactions from folks in your life, sure. But you also miss out of the opportunity to live in closer alignment with your own values, to build capacity to experience and respond to challenging emotions, and to show up in your life and in your relationships as YOU — the real you.

So, let’s normalize having hard conversations with the people in our lives.

It's the only way that this world gets kinder, braver, truer, more equitable. It's the only way that you can be sure your outsides are matching your insides (even when that’s scary as hell).

So don’t mind your business. Have the hard conversations.

Do it with kindness. Be open and soft. Do it gently and with tender curiosity. But DO IT.